MANHATTAN, Kan. — My grandfather was always quick with a joke and more often than not the punchline was a play on words. Or, in at least one case a play on letters. My grandparents kept a green glass candy dish on a low bookshelf that was normally stocked with peppermints or caramels, except for one time when my mother removed the lid to find only a slip of paper reading “MT”. It took a couple minutes for her, and everyone except my grandfather, to decipher the message: the bowl was empty.
Another time he regaled the entire family with a story about finding a cooler on the side of the road that was filled with ice and a single big toe. After a sufficient windup that involved thinking through exactly who to contact, he ultimately decided the best course of action was to call a tow truck.
The comics page in the newspaper was also a frequent source of laughs, with a particularly funny one being clipped out and secured to the refrigerator door for the occasional reminder to laugh, or double check to see if everyone had read it yet.
While situational humor was always welcome, it was the corniest of puns that usually garnered the loudest laughs, whether it was a toe truck or an MT container. There’s no shortage of farm-related puns to lighten the mood. Here a just a few examples:
A bankrupt rancher has no complaints. Sorry, they have no beef.
Be careful when talking to a dairy farmer. You’re likely to hear udder nonsense.
It’s easy to spot a great farmer. They’re out standing in their field.
But if they’re growing corn, it’s also possible they can’t find their way out of the maize.
Most people don’t know the term coward came from a couple of scared cows, or a cowherd, if you will.
A lost steer is a miss-steak. Anyone in the search party can claim to be on a steak out.
The key to losing weight is to simply follow what horses do and eat a stable diet.
I’ve always thought mathematicians would make great farmers. They know how to use protractors.
Chickens are excellent musicians. They have their own drumsticks.
As with any kind of comedy, timing is everything. I wouldn’t suggest workshopping any of these while sorting cattle or immediately after a key piece of machinery breaks down. But in the right spot, they should get a laugh out of just about anyone.
One of my favorite puns to use while driving is to loudly shout “hey” and wait for everyone in the vehicle to look before pointing at some haybales in a field. My wife thought it was funny the first time I did it, and now she’s doomed to a lifetime of hearing it. It’s OK, she knows who she married.
For all the serious issues farmers and ranchers deal with, like unpredictable weather, high prices for inputs and low prices for outputs, sometimes the only thing you can do is laugh at the situation. It might not be every day, but occasionally there’s room for pun on the farm.
— Greg Doering, Kansas Farm Bureau
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